Scenario 1:
There are a group of us ladies (mostly from the church) gathering at a restaurant for breakfast. The place is filling up fast so a friend and I offer to move to the end of the table to share a seat in order to make room for a new comer and her 83 year old mother. The new comer responds: "Sure! You two
skinny-minnies can fit on the end! Oh wait... I guess
you [
finger pointing at me] aren't a skinny minnie anymore though,
are ya!?!?"
Umm... I guess not... Scenario 2:
After the lady's breakfast I go to a friends' home where the young adults/youth are having a get together. The place is
packed. I get a bit anxious when I have to enter a room full of people on my own at the best of times... But then I hear Tom's voice coming from the kitchen. He's talking about me... "... Yeah, Candice is doing really well and she looks amazing. She should be here soon..." Awww! Refill on the self-confidence! So I take a deep breath and enter the kitchen. There's about 30 people in there, and the hostess (who has had 3 kids herself) blurts out, over top of all conversation happening "There's Candice!! WOW, so that's how you'd look
if you were FAT!!!" Tell me, dear bloggers, what's the correct answer to that?
Scenario 3:
We're at a Christmas party pot-luck. There's about 100 people there. Tom and I are sitting at a table talking to a young couple we just met. Yay for potential friends! A gentleman we know (who's wife has had 4 kids) walks up to the table and upon greeting me, says "
You make me feel thin!!" (Sidenote: This man is anything but thin.)
Totally taken aback (and embarrassed in front of our new friends) I needed to clarify before I got offended, "You mean, because I'm
pregnant?"
Realizing this is not a good situation, Tom jumps in" "No, no, Candice, he was talking about
me!"
The man, completely oblivious to the fact Tom just offered him an out to his off-colour remark, responds "No! I meant
her [pointing directly at me]!"
Scenario 4:
Last night I was discussing these comments to a few of my more 'philosophical' friends. You know, ones that you'd expect to laugh along with you at the
absurdity of the comments, and help identify the causes these social behaviours at a deeper level. Right after ending my rant of how these types of comments are not funny (in the same way) to a pregnant woman, how they are a blow to the self-esteem, and, considering you would never say such things towards a non-pregnant adult actually boarder on verbal abuse (in my opinion) because they leave a woman wounded and defenseless (because if she were to snap back and defend herself and her ever-growing and chaning body due to the NEW LIFE GROWING INSIDE her, she would be labled "hormonal")...
Where was I? Oh right, so I just finish this rant with a "... And because there's so many changes happening in her body, the woman is barely comfortable in her own skin, let alone take blows from friends... So comments like these make you want to go home and cry."
And what does my most philosophical, (usually) sensitive friend say? "No, those are the
HORMONES doing that!!" And the room bursts out laughing.
I would love to continue this rant, underlining the absurdity and double-standards that pregnant women face: Needing to gracefully accept gaining weight and becoming larger (in a society that
shuns such body changes) to adapt and foster the human being developing inside her (while people critique her every move as to whether or not it's harmful to the fetus). To keep smiling and 'glowing' while people take great joy in teasing you with the horrors of labour, delivery, and parenthood ("... But I guess I shouldn't say things like that to you, you may regret getting pregnant!
Blahhaaha!) To answer people's questions honestly about what I'm feeling, just to hear "Oh,
just wait until..."
Like the stage I'm at isn't 'there' yet. Like parenting teenagers is when it really starts...
Yes, I would love to continue that rant (because, oh boy, I've got more where that came from!) but instead I want to be a little more constructive. I'm wondering...
1) Could this be a cultural thing? In Costa Rica I was told to turn around so they could see my back end and make comments regarding it's plumpness. I wrote it off as cultural and was able to laugh it off. That would be great if this were the case here, too. Could it be that Quebec's social behaviours towards pregnant women are different than where I grew up, explaining why I feel this is unacceptable yet domestics don't seem to feel the same way? PLEASE, let me know what your experiences were so we can compare notes!
2) Am I over reacting (is it hormonal?) Would you be offended? Tom assures me that no, I'm not being overly sensitive, but rather some people are rude and some comments are hurtful. Period.
3) What would be a constructive way to deal with comments like these? Just to note, my offense stems from the fact that people are comfortable (and think it's acceptable) to slam me with body image comments, and not that I feel grossly large (but I'm willing to bet that after enough comments my brain will start to think they are right... And I don't want to buy into that!).
Wow, that was long!
Happy Monday!!