I'm a man, yes I am...

At least I am *trying* to be a man. It is a difficult thing, and perhaps something that should come more naturally. I'm not talking about being a boy, a guy, a male, a male who has (you know), or even a "man's man".

What do I mean then, "man"? Well, let me tell you about a few things I think may apply.

A man is strong.
A man stands up regardless of how hard the wind is blowing, how much the land is shaking or sinking, how heavy the snow is on his branches. His wife, his family, depend on his strength, and should be able to lean on him at all times. And, too, when the wind is soft, the land solid, the snow melted, and the standing is easy. Obviously, the life of a soldier is difficult during times of war, but I understand that their life is also very difficult when there are no more enemies left to fight. I promised to be strong in "good times and in bad", and I think that "good times" is written into that vow for good reason.

A man takes responsibility.
He takes responsibility for all of his family, including himself. The buck stops here. If somebody has a problem with my wife or family or anything they do, they have a problem with me. Anything my family does might as well have been done by me, because the responsibility for those actions is mine. If this sounds wrong to you, I would remind you that when I married I became one person with my wife. She is me, and I she. Thankfully, she is a saint both in the New Testament sense of the word, and in the ( mostly ;) ) blameless sense of the word -- it makes my job a lot easier.

And, just as her actions are my actions, mine too are hers. So as I go through any day, I must consider what I'm doing: "Is this something my wife would want me to do?". At all times, I represent us, so REPRESENT!

A man provides.
A man is typically not great at counselling, or caregiving, or giving birth, or keeping track of everyone's feelings and needs. He can be, though, productive. So, he should work! Whenever, wherever his family needs him to. He should ensure that their needs are provided for completely, so that they can perform their God-given roles.

In this, though, he should remember his values. He may work *under* his boss, but he works *for* his family. We can't lose the perspective that the family is the value, the job is the means to the end. That should motivate us to work, and it should motivate us to go right home when work is done.

A man leads.
There is leading by telling everybody what to do, and there is also leading by doing. A man needs to do a little of both. Instruct when there is error, when actions aren't in line with the will of God. But always hold yourself to the highest of standards, be above reproach, so that people can do as you say *and* as you do.

And at all times the leader is the servant. It is the brave general who leads the charge into battle, he doesn't send his troops in first... Despite the knowledge that this puts *him* in everyone's crosshairs.

A man sacrifices.
A man lays down his life for his wife, just as Christ laid down his life for all of us.

A man excludes.
A man belongs to his family, period. He does not belong to the world, and he should not act that way. Nor does the world belong to him. Already a man divides his attention between his wife and God, he shouldn't divide it further.

I've tried at many times in my life to be the whole "Mr. Sensitive" type, and failed miserably. I failed because I am not that type, but acting that type was rewarded with emotional intimacy and receptiveness from the opposite gender. But a man should not seek or find any emotional dependencies outside of his "significant others": his wife, his family, etc. I think any man who is honest with himself understands who is significant, and who is not. For me, it is and has to be Candice to provide that for me, and I know she sees that as a duty. And yes, it is easier now that I have a wife than it was before, but to all you single men out there... "suck it up"!

This must be tough for those men whose jobs require intimacy in another family. The pastors and doctors and nurses and such. Men who have to, in providing for their own family, participate in another man's family. It must take a special man with a special call to do this in a way that glorifies.

A man is thank-less, but not love-less?
I don't think a man should be thanked for doing this stuff right. After all, that's what he was designed to do. But, he should be *loved* for being a man. (To be sure, though, I feel both thanked and loved.)

A man grows
We are not born men, we grow to become men. Thank God for growth, or I would never become the man I want and need to be. I would be stuck as a boy forever.


Why am I writing about this? Consider it a challenge to all you "men" out there, to look carefully at where you're standing, and how you're standing. Consider it, as well, a public statement, and I ask you to hold me to it.

Please comment, if you are inclined. And don't hold back... I'm (trying to be) a man, I can take it!